Insomnia
by twent47blue
Summary: This is a one shot for a writing contest. I know its a bit rushed but I hope you guys still enjoy it. Happy Holidays, and thank you for reading and commenting, and of course, a fave would be very much appreciated, thank you.


Sigh.

It's the third day today, he had been staring at one particular space on the ceiling before he realized it's morning again. He got up and did his usual chores before going to work. He liked it better than staying home. It keeps his mind busy from thinking again how is he going to sleep tonight.

Insomnia.

That's what they told him, those people he called casual friends. Mizuki had been known as a happy person, always smiling, always have a friendly greeting to anyone. But even those people who don't know him very well know that something about him have changed.

"I'm just tired, that's all. Been having problems falling asleep." he said. Then people started giving him tips and advice on how to get back to his normal sleeping habit.

"Try counting sheep."

Mizuki started the evening almost a hundred then when his alarm went off he was so confuse if he was already at 1 million or 2. Work again. It's the fourth straight day that he never had his eyes close for long.

At the start, he tried pretending to be asleep so that he will get tired eventually and do end up sleeping. But, like a kid in school, sneaking a peek if the teacher is not looking at nap time, Mizuki would often crack one eye a little bit then after a full hour of sneaking a peek at the clock he would end up with eyes wide open.

Warm milk. Warm milk with honey, hot cocoa, hot tea, hot tea with honey. He tried that too, but end up making trips to bathroom every 15 minutes. Which irritated him more.

Running. Exercise.

Every morning at dawn, Mizuki tried running around the compound five times, and not content with that, he would go to the club gym and use the thread mill. He lost weight. Not only even how tired he was he still couldn't sleep and the worse of it is, he had cramps for the entire week.

One week.

He hasn't slept for a week. He didn't try telling anyone anymore. He didn't want to know any more new remedies or solutions for his insomnia.

He got up. And saw some of his mangas all scattered on the floor.

"That's it, I'll clean!" he said, enthusiastically, that always gets him tired and fall asleep after reading a couple of mangas.

He put on some jazz music first. He like this. He started humming while picking up his mess on the floor. Then started clearing them away. A small bottle fell.

Mizuki picked it up. There's one pill in it. This is Aya's. he said to himself. His partner and room mate.

He flipped the top open and got the pill out. And put it at the tip of his tongue. It tasted bitter. Its sleeping pills. He never tried it before. Aya likes taking them when he couldn't sleep.

"Eww!" he cringed with a shuddered, taking the pill out of his mouth and putting it back in the bottle.

He rinsed his mouth first with water. When that didn't work. He started brushing his teeth.

"I wonder why Aya had to take one whole bottle of sleeping pills, if he's got insomnia, he should have told me." He said to himself, still brushing his teeth.

He remembered that the bottle with one pill in it was missing and Aya had to get a whole new prescription from his doctor.

They had been having some problems. Aya wanted to move out. Not only from their home, but from their relationship as well. Aya said he wasn't happy anymore.

"But this is our house, we saved enough money to lease this place, we bought all the furniture here together. Each nook and cranny of this place has our memories in it. I don't want to move out, Aya." He said.

"Then you stay, I'm moving out. Since you wanted this place badly, this is not even a house, we don't even own this." He said, kicking the pile of mangas on the floor which he religiously bought since Mizuki loves them.

Mizuki stopped brushing his teeth and started crying. "Why do you have to die? Why do you have to kill yourself? Am I such a bad person, Aya?" he asked the empty space next to him. He rinsed his mouth put back the toothbrush next to the pair in the glass, Aya's.

Mizuki realized now why he couldn't sleep. Because Aya is no longer there. Aya used to rubbed his back until he falls asleep. They use to do a lot of stuff together. They were childhood friends, and they had been together since forever. When they started working, they decided to lease a condo-apartment near their workplace.

Aya owns all those Jazz records lying around the house. Aya used to complain that Mizuki is a pack rat while Aya was a neat freak, an unlikely couple, but they had been together for twenty years ever since their mothers gave birth to them, their mothers were also best friends, so it seemed natural for them to be best friends too, and later on they became lovers as well. They needed each other, one cannot function without the other, Mizuki blamed himself for Aya's death. And wanted to punish himself for not saying those appropriate words until it was too late. Until Aya cannot hear them anymore. Not when Aya would no longer be there to hear him say it.

"I'm sorry…."

"I love you…."

"I need you….."

"I miss you…."

Aya could no longer reply back, no matter what Mizuki do. He was angry at himself when Aya came to him that unfaithful night, he pushed him away. No matter how Aya repeatedly keep saying I'm sorry, no matter how many times Aya tried to hold him and cry. Mizuki pushed him away. He fell asleep angry. And sometime during the night, Aya took his pills and Mizuki woke up and tried to wake up Aya in his eternal sleep. His hands were cold, he was laying on the floor, close were Mizuki lay his futon, his hand was gripping Mizuki's shirt since Mizuki kept pushing him away. Aya had his last moments holding on to his lover's shirt, laying on the cold floor, without a blanket nor a pillow, his face damp with tears, his eyes were puffy from crying. And no matter how many times Mizuki shook him, he won't wake up. His fingers were already rigid and cold, no matter how many times he kissed those lips, it won't kiss him back anymore, no matter how much he held him, those arms won't hold him back anymore, no matter how many times he say those necessary words, "I forgive….." Aya won't be there to accept them or reply back.

Then Mizuki cried. He didn't cry at the funeral. As if all this time his mind was in a daze, that he was living in the time when Aya was still there, expecting him to come back, that he just went somewhere and would be back. But Aya is not coming back, no matter how long he waited. Aya won't be there to hold him and rubbed his back until he falls asleep.

After crying for sometime, he then got up and picked up Aya's albums and CDs. He started crying again when he started cleaning it up. Aya had always been the strong one between them, he was the one who always lead, the one who tells him what to do. All he was doing all this time is what he used to do, when Aya had to be away, so he does things until his partner gets back. So what now? Mizuki asked himself, looking at the empty big house that they had called home for a number of years. Every nook and cranny of the place held their memory. He don't think he would be able to leave this place, its like leaving Aya, but Aya is gone now. All that was left are his memories, his last scent, echoes of his voice, his laughter, traces of his footsteps. Pictures of him are all over the house, pictures of them together. Now, its just him and a big house.

Mizuki took some mess and trash outside a stray dog had begged him for food, he had no collar around him. He asked around for its owner, even posted pictures but no one claimed him.

Mizuki bathe and fed the dog, the first night, and for the first time in a week, he was able to sleep, the puppy would huddled by his back, just like the way Aya always do. He would sniff at the record collection and when Mizuki played some of Aya's music, the dog would sit near the stereo to listen to it. Just like Aya. After the week was up, Mizuki decided to keep the dog, brought him to the vet for shots and vaccination. If the dog had an owner, its probably not from around there.

Mizuki looked at the dog for awhile while it lay there listening to the stereo. "Aya." He called, and the dog got up, and went to him, sniffing his hand. Mizuki cried, as he snatched the dog in his arms for an embrace.

Mizuki thought he took everything for granted, all those things that Aya did for him because he knows he is the closest person in Aya's heart. He thought that just by being by his side is enough to show his partner that he loves him. He had missed a lot of chances to get to know the real person, the real Aya. Now he would never get his chance again.

Your heart is broken when you leave someone or someone left you. For Mizuki it's the latter. To him, life means seeing Aya, and death means not seeing his lover that's why he is afraid of death and dying. That's why it took him awhile to accept that Aya is finally gone. They say love is selfless, but for once in his life, he wants to be selfish and have Aya all for himself, he moved his world around him. Aya had always been his security blanket, his back up plan when all else fail. Mizuki always assumed that no matter what happens Aya would always be there for him. He was someone he couldn't live without, multiply it by a hundred, think of what happiness means, for Mizuki it's Aya, and then add it to the feeling you get on the best days you've ever had, all up all your best feelings and what you're left with is exactly what Mizuki feel for Aya. Which is everything.

Mizuki was tinkering with his laptop, he had some work that needed to be done. The dog was sitting by his feel. He couldn't believe it, it has been a month since he picked up that dog. He still lives in the same complex, and still lives in the same unit, there's nothing anyone can say that can make him move. He was surprised when something popped up on the screen, its midnight the next day.

Its says on the screen that it was a slide show presented by Aya Himejima, it's time set to pop a month after on this very day. Their anniversary.

**_"Happy Anniversary, Mizuki…."_**

**_"Mizuki, I am so happy that we've been together for two years today. You've filled me with more love that in all my other years combined."_**

**_"I had spent too much time hating the world and sometimes hating you. That I took your love for granted. But still I want to leave you with a feeling of love before I go. If you still have my stuff laying around or if you're still staying at the same place where we live, my parting would have been painful for you. But after you read this, I want you to forget that right away…."_**

**_"I want you to remember me in my best form, when the last time we had the happiest day of our lives together, when I last kissed you and held you tenderly in my arms…"_**

**_"I know I must have been a coward for doing this to you, leaving you behind, but it was too late to undo everything I had done, I had contemplated about things and had decided to do this before I begin to hurt you. I'm turning into a person I hate, so I'd rather leave than destroy the Aya that you knew…."_**

**_"But I'm happy…these last moments as I watched you sleep, I am very happy. I'm thankful for all the years we've spent together which is almost all of my life…because I spent them with you…"_**

**_"No matter how much time we have, it could never be enough. No matter how much therapy and counseling I do, I could never be the same person that you have once loved…._**

**_To love someone more than life itself and to accept both the past, and the present is something that no amount of money can buy…_**

**_That's why I don't want you to regret every minute of your time. I know I never exactly say the words I love you Mizuki. I wish I could have stayed long enough for you to hear me say it. Because I know you can hear me than no one else can, Mizuki. But deep in my heart I know you know that I love you more than life itself._**

**_Even though I loved you with all my body and soul. I didn't want to say the words. They always seemed cheap and pointless because I hated my father for beating me up and still saying I love you._**

**_So then, when someone truly did love me, I couldn't bring myself to say it._**

**_On the anniversary of our time together, I want to give you something to remember me by. Go to the pet clinic on the other side of the complex, and bring the dog with you. There you will find my final gift to you…_**

**_I love you Mizuki…forever…._**

**_Love,_**

**_Aya…."_**

"Th-The dog?" Mizuki asked himself, as he wiped his eyes to make sure he wasn't misreading things. How could Aya know about the dog? He put on his jacket and got the dog's leash and took the dog to the pet clinic.

"Ah, you came." The lady said, with a bright smile when she saw Mizuki and the dog, she crouched down and pet the dog.

"My, how big you've grown." She said, "I guess, it's time then." She said, looking at Mizuki who was too confused at everything. He was surprised that the attendant seemed to know him and the dog.

She disappeared into the room and came back with an envelope and handed it to Mizuki.

"That nice young man came with that dog and registered him here, he said he was going to give it to someone special. He gave us a specific instructions where and when to leave the dog, we told him that we won't be responsible if the dog ran away but, he said that the dog won't run away that he was going to be there to make sure that you get the dog, and would take it home with you." She said, and pet the dog again, smiling at Mizuki.

"So you are that special someone so I guess he was there to make sure you get the dog. Its so cute, so you are the proud parents." She said, with a chuckle. She probably didn't know that Aya is gone, Mizuki said to himself.

Mizuki was still a little confused and opened the envelope, the dog "Aya" was registered under their names, Aya and Mizuki Himejima, underneath the paper is another form, when Mizuki saw it, tears started flowing down his face.

"Are you alright?" the lady asked.

Mizuki looked up and smiled at her, "Yes, thank you, I'm just happy, its our anniversary today." He said.

He thanked the lady at the clinic and walked back to the house to read everything in the envelope in private, it had been sealed so the lady didn't realized that Aya gave her back more than the registration for the pet.

He looked at the slideshow which was also playing one of their favorite songs, and he pulled out the papers and card inside. There was an anniversary card made by Aya, and another piece of official document, this time it's an adoption paper, Aya had listed Mizuki into their family records, he is now officially a part of the Himejima family, in other words, he is married to Aya officially when Aya adopted him.

He planned all of these. He said to himself, too overwhelmed about everything, especially about the dog. How could Aya be sure that Mizuki would be the one to pick up the dog? Although Mizuki does have a habit about things, and yes, often times, have only a certain time when he takes out the thrash, he won't go in any other time but that, no matter what. So he must have assumed that he would be there, but how come the dog didn't run away?

"Aya." He called, and the dog barked and laid down on his feet again, he looked down on the dog, "Happy anniversary, my love, I know your love even though I never get to hear it, because it has been echoing inside my head, and reverberating in my heart all along." He said aloud in the unit, knowing that Aya is nearby listening to his words and seeing his smile with tears.

He cradled his gifts close to his heart. Despite of the events, Aya still has a way of being there for him. No matter how long he had gone, he could still feel his presence in the air. And his gifts would continue to be with him, celebrating it year after year with love.

Do you know what magic is? It is having the power to make someone happy without having to do a single thing, do you know something else? In Mizuki's life, Aya have been nothing…nothing but, magic.

Its not how much time left we have that matters, its how you live the moment…that's what really counts….Aya taught Mizuki that, with his love.

Owari


End file.
